Caring for a Loved One in the Hours After They Have Died
When someone we love dies, time can feel as though it slows down. The hours that follow can be filled with emotion—grief, disbelief, tenderness—and the desire to do something that honours the person you have lost.
This is a time when you can still show care, love, and respect, even though their life has ended.
Creating a Calm Space
Begin by creating an environment that feels peaceful and comforting for you. You might:
- Dim the lights or open curtains to let in soft daylight.
- Light a candle.
- Play music your loved one enjoyed.
These small touches can make the space feel like a safe place to say goodbye.
Gentle Acts of Care
Many people find comfort in tending to their loved one’s body in the hours after death. This can be a way of expressing love one last time and saying farewell in your own way.
You might choose to:
- Close their eyes and mouth – If this feels right, gently close them. A small pillow under the head can help them look more comfortable.
- Wash and dress them – You may want to wash their hands and face, comb their hair, or dress them in clothes they loved.
- Wrap them in a blanket or shawl – Some families choose a special blanket or quilt that holds meaning.
- Place meaningful items nearby – A photograph, a letter, or a treasured possession can surround them with reminders of their life.
Remembering the Person
While caring for the body, you may wish to share stories, laugh at favourite memories, or simply sit in silence. Some families invite others to join in—each person contributing in their own way, whether by reading a poem, singing a song, or offering a final goodbye.
This is a time to remember not just their final moments, but the whole of who they were.
How an End of Life Doula Can Help
An end-of-life doula can be a steady, supportive presence during this tender time. They can:
- Guide you through gentle care for the body, showing you how to wash, dress, or position your loved one.
- Suggest rituals, readings, or acts of remembrance that feel right for your beliefs and traditions.
- Hold space for your emotions, ensuring you feel supported and not rushed.
- Help involve family members, including children, in ways that feel meaningful and safe.
Their role is not to take over, but to empower you to care for your loved one in a way that feels personal and loving.
Taking the Time You Need
There is no need to rush these hours. You can spend as much time as you wish before your loved one is taken into the care of funeral professionals. This can be a precious opportunity to say goodbye, give thanks, and honour their life in your own way.