We live in a culture where death is often hidden away in hospitals, funeral homes, or behind closed doors. Because of this discomfort, we’ve developed a long list of euphemisms to soften the language of dying. We say people have “passed away,” “lost their battle,” or as I read recently “given up.” While these phrases may feel gentler in the moment, they can actually create confusion, distance, and a missed opportunity for honest conversation.
Why Euphemisms Around Death Aren’t Helpful
- They create confusion.
Euphemisms can make it unclear what has actually happened—especially for children, people with cognitive difficulties, or those outside a family’s cultural norms. Saying someone has “gone to sleep” may leave a child frightened of bedtime, or saying someone has “passed on” might not register as death at all. Clear language—“died” or “is dying”—removes uncertainty.
- They distance us from reality.
Talking about death directly acknowledges its reality. Euphemisms keep it at arm’s length, as though death is something unspeakable or shameful. This avoidance contributes to the wider cultural silence around dying, making it harder for people to prepare, plan, and talk openly about their wishes.
- They can unintentionally minimise grief.
When someone is grieving, gentle but vague language may feel dismissive. A phrase like “they’ve gone to a better place” might not align with someone’s beliefs, or may feel like an attempt to smooth over the depth of their loss. Honest, direct language validates the reality of death and the weight of grief.
Becoming More Comfortable With the Language of Death
- Start by noticing your own words.
Do you automatically say “passed away” instead of “died”? Ask yourself why. Often it’s habit, or an attempt to protect others from discomfort. By becoming aware, we can make more intentional choices.
- Practice direct language.
If someone close to you dies, try saying: “My friend died yesterday” instead of “My friend passed away.” It may feel uncomfortable at first, but over time it becomes more natural—and people often appreciate the clarity.
- Professionals can model openness.
For doctors, nurses, carers, social workers, and funeral directors, clear and compassionate communication is essential. Saying, “Your mother has died,” may feel blunt, but when paired with kindness, eye contact, and space for emotions, it prevents misunderstanding and invites honest conversation.
- Create spaces to talk about death.
Death cafés, community talks, book clubs, or even conversations around the dinner table can normalise death as part of life. The more we bring death into everyday language, the less taboo it becomes.
Why it matters
Using clear, direct language about death helps us to face it together, rather than alone. It allows for meaningful conversations about grief, legacy, and planning for the end of life. Euphemisms may feel like a kindness, but they often keep us from the deeper truth—that death is a universal human experience. By speaking openly, we not only honour those who have died but also make it easier for ourselves and others to prepare, cope, and live more fully.
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